


How to Sort Your Viking

by oh_anakin



Series: Never Tickle A Sleeping Dragon [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Hiccup Series - Cressida Cowell
Genre: 1991, Book 1: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Crossover, Friendship, Gen, Hogwarts House Sorting, Hogwarts House Sorting Ceremony, Mention of Hogwarts Founders, i wrote this several months ago, in which i interpret the sorting very liberally, you'll have to find out which houses i sort them into in the fic tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:15:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26838073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_anakin/pseuds/oh_anakin
Summary: The Sorting Hat happens upon three very fascinating students. None of them are named Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, or Hermione Granger.
Relationships: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Fishlegs No-Name
Series: Never Tickle A Sleeping Dragon [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1798558
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	1. How to Be A Hatstall

**Author's Note:**

> Trans rights are human rights. She doesn't get to decide whether we're magic or not.

“Haddock, Hiccup!”

The Hat slipped down around Hiccup’s ears, partially blocking the Great Hall from view.

_Well. Well, well. I’ve not had the pleasure of Sorting someone like you in a long time, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third._

_Pleased to meet you,_ Hiccup answered the Hat in his head. _What do you mean?_

_Hufflepuff, perhaps? You’ve a big heart for such a small boy… but that heart’s got a lot in it that might suit another House just as well. I_ _t takes a great deal of bravery to face a man-eating monster the size of a mountain, after all.You would do well in Gryffindor._

Hiccup got the unsettling feeling that the Hat was paging through his thoughts like the pages of a book.

_But cunning as well, adaptable, quick-thinking… Slytherin might be a fit as well. Secret-keeping and lawbreaking require a certain amount of cunning, after all. It’s not often I get to argue with myself!_

Hiccup’s heart pounded. “Er--”

Could the Hat see through his clothes as well as his thoughts?

_I may be a Hat, but I’m not blind._ The Hat’s response was still unsettling, but Hiccup’s stomach stabilized somewhat. _However, as I am only a Hat, the Professors don’t often ask me for things I would rather not give, like secrets. A hidden dragon is hardly the worst thing a student has snuck into Hogwarts._

 _Thank you,_ Hiccup said. _I don’t break laws on purpose… usually. I want things to be equal._

 _Slytherin was a brilliant man, and the scions of his House have been just as brilliant and accomplished. Reputations can be changed._

_I’m not a Slytherin,_ Hiccup insisted. His dearest ambition was to have a quiet day for once. Sure, he wanted his father to be proud of him, and be a good Heir and Leader when he grew up, maybe finally be out of Snotlout’s shadow…

 _No, not Slytherin,_ the Hat decided after a moment’s pause. _Gryffindor, then? Bravery and loyalty… but you’ve a brilliant mind and a hunger for knowledge. If it hadn’t been for that knowledge, you’d have been a singing snack in the belly of some beast or another._

_Yes, Ravenclaw might suit you._

_And yet..._

“What’s taking so long?” the murmurs from students in the Great Hall arose. “Is the Hat broken?”

 _Just put me wherever you like,_ Hiccup told the Hat. _I don’t care, not really._

The Hat ruffled Hiccup’s hair. _But that’s the problem, Hiccup my boy. You’ll have to forgive this old Hat, it’s not often I get to Sort such a fascinating mind... I could put you… well… ANYWHERE._

_I’m going to tell you a little-noticed thing, Hiccup, I think you’ll appreciate it._

_You’ll remember that my Maker, Godric Gryffindor, and his friends Rowena, Helga, and Salazar are the namesakes for the Houses. If they had believed theirs was the only way, they would have made four separate schools._

_But they chose to Found Hogwarts together, so young wizards and witches could learn from all sorts._

_You have a lot to learn, Hiccup, and plenty for others to learn from you._

_I think you’ll do best in…_

“HUFFLEPUFF!”


	2. Chapter 2

“No-Name, Fishlegs!” 

Fishlegs’ hands were trembling and sweaty. 

_Hiccup’s in Hufflepuff, you’ll probably do fine there. Ravenclaw seems all right. No way you’re getting into Gryffindor, though._

He was regretting his wish to go to a different school right about now. He probably looked like an idiot, stumbling up to the chair in front of everyone-- whose bright idea was that, putting pimply eleven-year-olds on display? 

Hiccup had been up for about twenty minutes getting Sorted. At that rate Fishlegs would probably be there for an _hour_. 

The Hat settled onto his head. 

_Don’t you go on worrying like that._

Fishlegs startled so badly that the chair jerked back with him. 

(Distant, ugly laughter.)

_You can read minds?_ Fishlegs realized, alarmed. _Great. That’s just great. A barmy old hat can see what a loser I am first-hand._

_My job is to tell you where you ought to be, nothing more. Didn’t you listen to my song?_

_I did,_ Fishlegs replied. _It was a nice song._

_Thank you. I spend all year composing those, you know. Not much else to do when one is a Sorting Hat. You’re a poet?_

_I'd like to be._

_Your appreciation for words could suit Ravenclaw very well._

Fishlegs itched to get off the chair. _Fine. Put me in Ravenclaw, then. I’m not cut out for Slytherin, too tricksy. And I’m not brave at all, so Gryffindor’s right out._

_I must disagree, Fishlegs. Your bravery may be harder to find than most, but that does not mean it is not there._

That didn’t sound like a good thing. _Just because I tag along on adventures that could get all of us killed doesn’t mean I’m cut out for Gryffindor,_ Fishlegs argued. _Hiccup’s the brave one. You should’ve put him in Gryffindor, and me in Hufflepuff._

_Hmph. I am the Sorting Hat, and I never Sort one where one ought not to be._

_No, Fishlegs No-Name, I know exactly where to put you. And you might just make a name for yourself in…_

“GRYFFINDOR!”

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been converted for free using [AOYeet!](https://aoyeet.space)


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